Stoplight Golight And Too Much Time

A couple of summers ago at our annual family reunion, my cousins Whitney and Courtney announced to the family that they had developed a product that would revolutionize parenting. I, however, missed out on this announcement probably because I was too busy dragging Daughter 1 out of cabins that had been rented by other people.

A few weeks later, my sister was over and she said to me, "Pretty exciting about Whitney and Courtney's venture, huh?"

And since I didn't know what she was talking about, I said, "Huh?" right back to her.


Quickly she filled me in that they had developed a timer that looked like a stoplight so that kids would better understand time. It was in production and would soon be available for mommas to purchase and use with their kids.

Again, I said, "Huh?" So we went to their website: www.StoplightGolight.com. Since my feelings were still hurt (not really) that I was out of the loop, I decided to have some fun with them and drag them into this loop I live in called CRAZINESS. I clicked the CONTACT US button at the top of their blog ... then I developed a dozen or so new email addresses. Because, really, what else did I have to do?

from BoobFeeder423:
Dear Courtney, I was wondering if your timer light thing would help keep my kids out of my room when I do yoga. Right now they just come in and I don't want them to see me naked since I do yoga naked. Will it help?

I got no response.

from Luv2GetItOn:
Dear Stoplight Golight, My man is doing 8 to 10 in Huntsville (Texas State Prison for my no Southern readers). How long will your timer last? Can I set it for 8 to 10 and have my kids know when their daddy's coming home?

I got no response.

from RubyRedkins:
Dear Courtney and Whitney, How does your timer work exactly? What are you timing? Is it for, like, timing cake? 

I got a response.
Stoplight Golight was designed to help children understand the concept of time. You could set the timer and when the light turned green, they knew their time was up. But, you could use it for timing a cake. It could time anything you wanted!

I emailed back:
Could I use it to time sex? Cause when my husband takes a viagra, it can go on and on and on. And if I just set this timer, he'd know I was done when the light turned red?

I got another response:
Haha! Sure. You could use it like that if you wish.

I emailed back:
Wow. That's just great. Y'all seem really nice. Do you want to join my play group? It's for adults only. You could bring one of those timer things to help us know when to change partners.

I got no response.

From WntAFriend2B1:
Dear Whitney, Could I tell my playgroup about your product? I think they'd really like to hear about it. I have a really great playgroup of about 8 moms and we get together at the local park and hang out and have picnics and talk about stuff. They are super great gals. They are all so pretty and I know where every single one of them lives, but I don't drop by their houses. I just drive by. So, can I tell them?

I got a response:
That would be wonderful! Word of mouth is the best advertisement.

I emailed back:
Well, my playgroup won't talk to me anymore. They say I'm too clingy, and they won't answer their doors. The lawyer said I couldn't drive by anymore either. So, I guess I'll have to find someone else to be in my playgroup. HEY! Y'all live in Texas, don't you?

I go no response.

From MalsYourGal111666999:
Could you tell me exactly how to use your product?

I got a response:
Sure. You would just enter the amount of time you wish to designate and the lights will let you know when that time is up.

I emailed back:
What do you time?

I got a response:
Anything you want: Time outs, teeth brushing, play dates, chores. Whatever you need timed for your children, or anything else for that matter.

I emailed back:
Can you time how long your children have to stay out of your house?

I got a response:
Well, I supposed so. You can time anything you need. Stoplight Golight doesn't recommend locking your children out, though.

I emailed back:
Are you child psychologists?

I got a response:
No. We are just two moms who want to help other moms and their children.

I emailed back:
So if you're not child psychologists, then it wouldn't really bother you if I did lock my children out of the house, right?

I got no response.
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This went on all summer. Every single email was handled professionally and courteously right up to the point that it crossed that line, which is what I do best.

So, head over to Stoplight Golight and check out the product for yourself. Maybe even click "Contact Us" and maybe even send Whitney and Courtney an email telling them what a funny cousin they have.

And come back here on Wednesday, when I tell you about how much Whitney's kids love me.