I slid the bookmarks into my bag. I dropped the pens in my purse. I pushed the phones into my pockets. I stuck my read-aloud copy of TMI Mom Oversharing My Life under my arm and I was ready to go. (PS-Do you have your copy? Get it today!)
I was driving home all by myself listening to Darius Rucker ask me to rock him like a wagon wheel when my weather app beeped, alerting me to severe weather in the OKC area. No, we aren't close to the OKC area, but I've spent a lot of time in the OKC area recently and had programmed it into my apps as a favorite spot. And really? It is a favorite spot.
At the stop sign, I texted my OKC buddies to make sure they were safe and taking precautions. Then I called my own momma to tell her keep an eye on the weather and get The Daughter home quickly after dinner. We were still in school, after all.
Then I punched the favorites button on my phone and called Brian.
It took a minute to connect and then it took a minute to start ringing. Darius had already been rocked and Miranda was now singing about hiding her crazy. My pocket began ringing Brian's tell-tale tone: "Knee Deep."
I tapped speaker on my phone and placed it in the drink holder before I dug Brian's phone out of my pocket. Then I discovered something very disturbing. Someone had stolen my phone and was now calling Brian.
No answer. I did hear that this person was listening to the exact same radio station as I was listening to. That had to be a clue. I envisioned myself as a member of the CSI Las Vegas team even though it wasn't Wednesday night. I'm thinking now, I was more like Shaggy on Scooby-Doo. None the less, I followed my crime-fighting instincts.
"Listen," I commanded, "I have 'find my iPhone' loaded and I will find you--just tell me where I can get my phone and I won't report you. Give me the phone and no one gets hurt." I would threaten the phone thief with my non-existent braun. And unless they looked at my photos and saw the dozens of pictures Daughter 1 had taken of me sleeping on the couch, they wouldn't know I wasn't a member of the German Women's track team circa 1982.
Instead of the "Yes ma'am" I was expecting I got silence. Nothing. I didn't even hear the phone thief breathing on the other end.
"HELLLLLLLLLLLLOOOOOOOOOOO!" I called out and this time, on the other end, I heard the long echos of my own HELLLLLLLLLLLLOOOOOOOO. Wait ...
I was actually in possession of my phone and Brian's phone. For the love.
I laughed at myself, declined my own call on Brian's phone then ended the call on my phone. Good heavens. I was obviously in desperate need of a break! I laughed some more, then picked up my phone to call Brian and tell him my faux pas ...
Such a slow learner.