Happy birthday to me! Today I turn a year older than I was this time last year. Okay, fine. A word problem: If a train leaves a depot traveling east at 65 miles per hour and a bus leaves the station traveling north at 88 miles per hour and a cat delivers six kittens on the third of August and I was born in 1970 and twenty-three campers pitch four tents six yards from a river traveling at 18 knots, how old am I? (There is no prize for getting it right.)
Here are five things I'm going to do today to celebrate my birthday:
1. Sleep in: Yes, this is something that I do almost every single day of the summer. When Brian and I first met and he told me he was an early bird, I thought to myself that that was the exact quality I was looking for in a man and potential father of my future children. Someone had to feed them breakfast and, unless they wanted to eat breakfast after 10:30AM, it wasn't going to be me. At any rate, Imma wearing some Depends to bed and I'm not getting up until I'm ready ... or until my Depends is really full.
2. Eat a pizza with mushrooms only: No one else in my family likes mushrooms. This means that when we order pizza, we don't get mushrooms on that pizza. I, on the other hand, love mushrooms. I love mushrooms so much that I might marry mushrooms. Maybe not marry, of course. At the very least, I'm eating mushroom pizza all by myself today.
3. Watch Grease: I cannot convince my family that this is the best movie of all time no matter how many times I sing the catchy soundtrack. Today, I will be blaring the movie in all of it's 1980-slash-1950's glory. I'll be eating Twinkies, drinking dessert wine and piercing my own ears. Grease and me? We go together, indeed. Grease is the word, yo.
4. Make chocolate icing: I makes the world's best chocolate icing. I use real butter and real cocoa and it's nothing short of sinful and heavenly all at the same time. It's amazing. It's so delish that it doesn't even need cake to go under it. I'll just eat it with a spoon. Ha! Not really. I'll just eat it with my fingers.
5. Repeatedly whine, "But it's my birthday!": I'll beg for foot rubs, a clean house, a dinner out, the laundry to be laundered, an afternoon nap, control of the remote, someone to fill my water bottle, quiet while I read, etc... and I'll follow it up with "But it's my birthday!" I'll continue the "But it's my birthday!" plea probably for at least another week. Maybe two.