August 30, 2013

Five For Friday: I Will Not Labor

To celebrate the working people in my life--yes, this includes me, believe it or not--I will not labor on Labor Day.

1. I will not do laundry. I will not let dirty underwear, mismatched socks and mustard-stained T-shirts rule my day. I will send my children to school on Tuesday with dirty clothes if I have to. The spin cycle and dryer sheets will not be a part of my Labor Day.

2. I will not mop the floors. Okay, fine. This is pretty much my mantra on any given day of the year; but, in honor of the working people in my life, I will not be mopping the floors. And if someone happens to drop something--anything--on the floor, I shall let in the dogs.

3. I will not disinfect the shower. Yes, you can write your name on the soap scum on the shower wall. Yes, you can knit a sweater from the hair in the drain. Yes, the mold in the corner would give Alexander Fleming goosebumps. But, the shower will just get dirty when we use it on Tuesday morning; therefore, I will not labor in the shower on Labor Day.

4. I will not clean out the refrigerator. I know, based on the smell alone, that I am cultivating a brand new form of biological warfare in my produce bin. We can eat Pringles and condensed soup all day long for all I care. The new bread of radibrocoeleryrot will not be the catalyst that I use to work on Labor Day, though. Let's be clear on that.


5.  I will not empty the trash bin that is known as the minivan. Extra shoes, extra water bottles, extra lunch boxes? I've got 'em. Fast food wrappers, 200 straws, and Little Debbie wrappers? Piles of them. Maps of "Indian Territory," church bulletins from the mid-80s, and a people magazine featuring Millie Vanilli? Check that third row. They can all stay where they lie because I will not empty out my minivan today.

Here's hoping your holiday weekend is fabulous, restful and labor-free.


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