August 19, 2013

I'm Not Feeling Well

"Honey," Brian called to me from the front bathroom, "You feeling okay?"

"Yeah," I hollered back from the back bathroom waiting for him to bring me some toilet paper because I was left with my undried girl-parts dripping, "Just waiting on the toilet paper."

"Well," he hollered back, "I'm worried about you. You sure you're doing alright?"

I rolled my eyes. Why? Why in the world did he insist on having a silly conversation when all I needed him to do was bring me a roll of toilet paper? I just needed toilet paper. Was it too much for a momma to ask for some toilet paper and get it in a timely manner? No. It's not too much.

He appeared at the back bathroom with a handful of loose toilet paper. Not even a roll--just a few squares bunched up in his hand.


"This is all you brought me?" I asked, snatching it before he took it away.

"It's all we have," he said with a sad bit of angst in his voice.


Pfffttt ... all we have? Yeah, right. I am the queen of hoarding toilet paper. I stop weekly--WEEKLY--at my favorite drug store which always has my favorite brand on sale, and I buy as much as I can stuff in my vehicle. I used the toilet paper according to manufacturer's suggested use* and marched myself into the front bathroom to show him just where he could find my stash of ...

... Oh crap.

I marched myself straight to the linen closet where I stash more toilet paper and found ...

... What the--

He was right. We were out of toilet paper.

I marched myself right out of the house and drove at NASCAR speeds to my favorite drug store. I made two trips so I could carry their entire stock. Then I bought a pound of chocolate and a four-pack of Bartles and James Strawberry Daiquiri.

I'm losing my touch and fear that the end is near.

*There's not really a manufacture's suggested use on the toilet paper packaging, but wouldn't it be a hoot if there were?!?!?

"Generously wrap hand in product and wipe, dab or rub the area affected by your bodily function."

Wouldn't that be great??

Do you hoard anything for your household?


Related Posts Plugin for WordPress, Blogger...