October 13, 2013

Maybe Spooky or Maybe Not

"Momma," Daughter 1 asked, "Have you ever played with a Ouija board?"

Hmm ... good question, "I think I did."

"You think you did?" she fired back.

"Wait," I said, "Maybe I didn't."

She just stared at me as I reached back into the deep and forgotten areas of my memory and tried to remember if I ever did.

I grew up in the day when Ouija boards were found right next to the Monopoly and Battleship games in closets all over America. It wasn't considered, by mainstream America, to be an evil device or portal to the dead. It was, as the box clearly states, for entertainment purposes only.

"You know," I said, "I can't remember if I played with one or not."

She nodded her head, "You don't have to tell me if you don't want to."

But that wasn't it. I wanted to tell her, but I really couldn't remember. It seems like there was this one time when I was out visiting a friend who lived west of town. Her parents were working one Saturday, and we were stuck at home with a whole night of HBO. We talked about playing the Ouija board but argued about whether we would contact the ghost of Elvis or the ghost of John Lennon and decided instead to watch the movie Airplane!.

"I want to tell you," I shot back, "just let me think for a minute."

I vaguely remembered staying with a friend one Friday night and sneaking into her parents' bedroom after they were asleep. My friend just knew that they had a Ouija board in their closet. They did not have a Ouija board in their closet. We didn't find the Quija board; instead, we found some other items in their closet that were for entertainment purposes only. We opted to quickly retreat back to her bedroom and ponder exactly how and for what kind of entertainment those other items were used.

"Really, Momma, it's alright. I've kinda lost interest anyway."

"No ... now, give me a second to think ... "

Had I ever played with a Oujia board? Had I played with it, had a bad experience and blocked it? Had I played with it, had a bad experience and been robbed of my memory as a payment for other-worldly services? Surely if I had ever played with it, I would have remembered it, right?

"I don't think I ever played with it," I finally said definitively.

"Fine. Whatever," Daughter 1 sighed.

"Why do you ask?" I implored. "Do you have questions about spirits or something like that?" I was ready for a deep spiritual conversation with my first born.

"Nah," she said, "I'll probably never play with it. Even if you weren't too cheap to buy it, you'd obviously never remember to get it anyway."

She's probably right.

Fine Print Disclaimer: I do believe that Ouija boards are for entertainment only. Please don't write me hate mail or comments about how I will probably be going to hell because I may or may not have played with a Ouija board when I was younger. First off, I believe that hell is here on earth--don't believe me? Ask any child who is living in Syria or has gone to bed hungry every night for the past few days or weeks or even months. Secondly, if I do end up going to hell, it won't be because of a board game. It will be because I lied in this blog post. We didn't watch Airplane!, we then watched Porky's. And then Fast Times At Ridgemont High. It was because of those two movies that I figured out exactly what those items were in my friend's parents' closet.


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