November 10, 2013

I was reborn. As a sucker.

I missed Mother-Daughter lunch at Daughter 1's school--this is a whole "Why She Needs Therapy" post in itself considering that I am at Daughter 1's school every single day. So, I told her we'd have a whole Mother-Daughter day on Saturday. We'd eat at her choice of restaurants (Olive Garden, or The O.G. as we call it), we'd hit up the mall (to get a new cord for my MacBook) and we'd just have a load of fun.

Our first stop was the ice cream shop. Because. It's good ice cream. Then we headed to The Mall.

It's been a long time since I've been to the mall to actually browse. Normally, I run into the Apple store and run right back out. I'm not a mall person. It's too crowded; it's too busy; and, I just don't like to shop. Weird, I know. It could easily be a part of my "Why I Need Therapy" posts. But, I sucked it up and went anyway.

Our first stop was See's Candy because they give you a free piece of candy with every visit. And I ended up picking up a Christmas gift while I was there. This reminded me that I needed to head to Spencer's to get another Christmas gift. That store is not nearly as funny when you're a grown-up accompanied by your tween daughter. Not funny at all. I snagged that particular Christmas gift and got out of there quickly because Daughter 1's questions got harder.

Then we just browsed around until it was time for our Genius Appointment at the Apple Store.

Before we got too far into the mall, we were stopped by Dana. Dana is from Israel and proudly had the Israeli flag displayed at her kiosk, which sold skin care products made from the salt of The Dead Sea. Daughter 1 has several major projects in school about Israel, so we asked Dana about Israel. She politely answered every question and followed it up with, "Now, this lotion comes also in a honey-scent if you prefer that."

Before we left there, she'd offered us two of the hand-care gift boxes, normally $99 each, for the low price of $19.99 for both of them.

"I come to America to help women achieve softer skin and healthy nails. I hope you let me help you."

Dang. She was good. She let it slip that offering it to us at that price would mean she would have to pay some out of her own pocket. My one nail did look healthier and $20 was a small price to pay to help her American dream come true. We thanked Dana and walked on.

I told Daughter 1 we should be proud that we were helping people make their way toward a happy American life.

And I think Alexandrois heard me. Alexandrois had come from Greece, and he looked as if he might be a direct descendant of Zeus. Dang! He was hot. Plus, Daughter 1 is kinda obsessed with Greece, particularly ancient Greece and she peppered him with questions. I just stared. He was as hot as the almonds he was selling at his mid-mall kiosk. You know his family has been in agriculture in years, and he was so excited to come to Tulsa, Oklahoma to help people discover the deliciousness of nuts. We offered us jalapeno almonds, mesquite almonds, cheddar almonds, pizza almonds, pork chop almonds, coconut almonds, and chocolate covered almonds. He answered all of Daughter 1's questions, kept feeding me free samples and offered us a pound of authentic Greek almonds for only $29.99 $19.99 $9.99 $4.99 because he liked how interested we were in his homeland, and he was very homesick.

Fortunately it was almost time for our Genius appointment. I say fortunately because I was almost out of money. I tried to avoid eye contact with other kiosk members. Really, I did. But, Arezoo--a sweet girl who came from Iran wanting to live the American dream--was smart. She snagged Daughter 1. "Would you like for me to fix your hair?" Quick as a wink, she plopped Daughter 1 in her chair and straightened her hair with a revolutionary new tool, The PTY Hair Straightener. "Which one do you like?" she asked Daughter 1, totally ignoring me. Then she plugged in the peacock straightener and showed Daughter 1 how to curl her hair with a straightener. Daughter 1 glanced over at me with longing in her eyes.

It's so pretty y'all. 

I was resolute that we didn't need a new straightener. "It's only $299," Arezoo told us. I shook my head. "I can sell it for $199," she offered.

"We have to go get our computer looked at," I responded, easily. Then, Arezoo made a very aggressively bold move. In one swift action, she flipped Daughter 1 and her cutely polished hair from the chair and set me and my frizzy locks in her chair of magic. She offered a price that was lower and then another price that was lower and another price that was lower.

"We have to go get our computer looked at," I whimpered, quickly loosing my strength. Y'all? She was playing with my hair! Truth be told, if she had played with my hair just one minute longer, I'd have paid $499 for it. I bolted from her chair. "WE HAVE TO GO GET OUR COMPUTER LOOKED AT!" Then I grabbed Daughter 1's hand and we raced to the Apple store but not before Arezoo gave us her "card" and bottom dollar price.

I wanted to help Arezoo with her American dream. I really did. But I need my computer. And we had to draw the line somewhere, right? And besides that, we really did have to get our computer looked at. Really. As I stood in line waiting for my genius, I felt my smooth-as-silk hair. But, I had to get my computer looked at! I had to! I needed my computer looked at, and the line had been drawn.

Fortunately for Arezoo, we drew the line after we went back and got our Peacock-feathered hair straightener. Y'all? I was helping her live the American dream.


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