December 23, 2015

Poop and other things parents need to talk about

Y'all know I love to share and overshare until people start to squirm. I firmly believe the by sharing the things that make us crazy, give us gray hair and make us want to hang ourselves and others by our toenails need to be talked about. (Remember? I went on the Dr. Oz show and told e'r'one how I peed in the shower.)

And those of you who overshare with me? Well, I love you just as much as I love talking about unmentionables. 

My friends, Norine Dworkin-McDaniel and Jessica Ziegler, are the brains behind the incredibly funny and oft inappropriate (in a good way) Science of Parenthood. And... AND... they've written an amazingly funny and laugh-out-loud parenting guide. Well, ya know, it's more helpful than that "What To Expect" book that I sit on to help my sciatica.

I love these gals and their words and especially their pictures for so many reasons. The very least of these reasons is that it's funny. The very greatest of these reasons is that it's honest.

They have taken the things of parenting that make us scratch our heads and wonder why we ever thought we were capable of molding and shaping and forming another human being into a productive adult and made it something we can all grin and giggle about.


I love these ladies (and not just because they've mentioned me on their site). I love them because they've taken our every thought and made it scientific and funny at the exact same time. I can go to them and know that I'll not only end up laughing, but I'll feel a helluva lot better about the best bad job I know how to do as a parent.

My hubby and I not in this gig alone.

We're in the same boat as every other parent ... good news is that our on-ship entertainment is funny as, well ... our irrational need to be away from our kids and have them within arms length at the exact same time.

Do yourself a favor--because you know you're getting a tin of dusting powder and another coffee mug for Christmas--give yourself this book. (Click either link to order.) Then lock yourself in the bathroom with your favorite drink and read the whole thing, cover to cover. You deserve it!

July 2, 2015

Things I learned at the amusement park

This week I went to an amusement park with the girls. Brian had meetings to attend, so I was going it alone. While the girls rode most of the rides themselves, I had lots of time to be contemplative. 

First, I learned that I lose all control of my mouth, specifically my vocal editing skills I still cuss like a sailor when I'm on rides. 

Second, I learned that some rides take me back to where I was teeny or even thirty years ago.  The rocking pirate ship? I feel like I'm 13 again riding it with my aunt Kay. 

Third, I learned that regardless of how young the rides make me feel, the park--specifically the park patrons--make me feel old. The kids running around being cool are so young! The good news (?) is that things like jams and Flock Of Seagulls hair is back. Yay. 

And finally, I learned that if you wear a cool shirt from Big Foot Creative ( you'll not only stay cool on the hottest day of the summer so far, but you'll meet a lot of nice people who tell you they like your shirt. They might even put their fingers on their heads and reenact the Tatonka scene from "Dances With Wolves."

Even if Bigfoot Creative hadn't given me this shirt, I would've bought it because it's not only fun, but it's comfortable, cool and smooth. Check them out! They have tons of fun designs.  

February 23, 2015

Maybe it's the carbon monoxide talking ...

Let's just start with a cliché: when it rains it pours.

Let's do another one: you don't know what you've got until it's gone. 

Hows about one more: it's always darkest before dawn. 

What am I talking about? Our week. Yes, I know it's only Tuesday, but it's been L O N G so far. I'm trying hard to spin it positively in my mind.

Sure, our car is not running and no one seems to know the issue ... But! At least we have my mom's van to drive. And! The car didn't crap out in the middle of a dark highway without cell service. 

We currently have no heat ... But! We have a well-insulated roof over heads and neighbors who've loved on us when they didn't have to. And! We have a home warranty that keeps our costs relatively low. 

And our front bathroom floor indicates that we have leak--somewhere. But! We have two other toilets we can use. 

Our cats are keeping me awake all night long. But! They've caught four mice. 

Our gas logs are refusing to light. But! We have space heaters courtesy of our heat guy and neighbors. 

See? I'm finding the positive. 

Last night, as I went in a fruitless search for electric blankets, I ran into an acquaintance. He listened to my lamintations, then responded, "There but for the grace of God go I."

I smiled, but really, it's a sad response. The heart of the saying has good intentions and implies a thankfulness from the speaker. 

On the flip side, the core of the message implies that I have these maladies because I am not embraced with grace. 

If I may mix my metaphors, I cry B.S..

To return to my cliches, our circumstances are just the way the cookie crumbles ... 

And a funny thing about cookie crumbs: they come from something sweet and satisfying and are hard to sweep away. 

Much like the Grace of God ... Which is what will surround us always and in all circumstances. 


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